| | Beer and Boobs.
OK now that I have your attention I can explain to you why beer and boobs will be playing an essential part in my life for the next few months. Now seeing as how I'm a college student you would think my life would revolve around Beer but I don't drink...and ironically enough I work at a liquor store, but alot of you people know that so why the update Linus?!
Well now to address the next matter, BOOBS. Last week I was minding my own business hitting on eleventeen year olds at my local mall when I saw this huge sign that said "Now Hiring". I jumped for the chance at another job for my money was being drained by my overwhelming addiction for pogs. I jumped again when I saw the sign right below it......Hooters. A couple months prior I had heard through the newspaper that they were going to open up a Hooters here in Joliet right next to the mall to attract more people(by people they mean men) to Joliet.
I clutched my commemorative Chewbacca Wookie Pog Slammer and shed a small tear. Ever since my uncle secretly took me to Hooters at the age of 9, I always wanted to be a part of the "delightfully tacky, yet unrefined" eatery. The women were beautiful, the food amazing, my penis erect, I felt like such a man cus not only did I have a massive erection but I was sitting on a stool and at that age I thought only adults sat on stools. Suddenly, I heard a sound I had grown quite used to hearing as a child living in a Mexican household. I looked around as to where the sound was coming from and wondering as to what was that sound. I looked towards the kitchen of the Hooters restaurant and as soon as the door swung open the music intensified even more. It was only then that I realized that it was Ranchero music blasting from the kitchen. I took one glimpse inside the kitchen and saw the happiest Mexican in the world gleaming his gold tooth back at me. From that day on I knew my life should in some way or another include the Hooters franchise. My uncle told me to never tell anyone of my Hooters encounter but my mind and penis were running wild. As soon as I got home I yelped to my mom and dad, "TIO NEN TOOK ME TO HOOTERS AND I SAW CHI CHI'S!" My joyous proclamations were soon silenced by a demon in leather rawhide material I've come to know as "el chancla." As time passed my hidden obsession grew and grew and upon anyone even mumbling the word "Hooters" my heart would beat so fast and erratic that I would break out into a giddy laughter.
....For alas my opportunity had finally come to fulfill my perverted childhood dream and gosh darnit I was gonna pursue it! I quickly gathered my pog collection and dashed out to my car which I have properly dubbed, "the LinusMobile" and set forth upon my journey across the parking lot to the Hooters. The throngs of hot women outside were beckoning me to come in and fill out an application and so I did...
2 days ago I got a call from the Hooters Area Manager, I've properly dubbed as "God Jr.", telling me he would like it if I came in for an interview. At that exact moment I began to hear harps and beautiful crap like birds chirping and shit and knew my dream was soon becoming a reality. I went in my sundays best for the interview and borrowed my dad's cologne too. The interview lasted only 15 minutes and before I could even think he was telling me I had a job. I thought back to my childhood as soon as he said that and imagined myself as the overly happy shiny toothed Mexican I dreamed of being and knew that my dream had finally manifested itself into reality.
So now with great praise (and a massive erection, might I add) I'd like to say to all my Xanga readers that I am now an Official Hooters Employee! I'll be starting next week and I cant wait! Once I get my uniform in I'll post pics of myself for everyone. Tight orange shorts and all! I must depart now for I have to check my myspace to see if anyone left me any cool comments. Stay fresh and keep it gangsta....
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| | Posted 1/26/2006 3:35 AM - 57 Views - 36 eProps - 24 comments
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